When I was pregnant with Levi, I wrote this post close to Christmas and I love to go back every year and read/reflect on those thoughts and feelings I was bombarded with as I, for the first time in my life, felt like I related to Mary. I could sympathize and imagine her scenario in ways I never could and her story took on a whole new meaning for me. That Christmas in 2008, Mary became my hero.
To be 9 months pregnant and riding on a donkey through the treacherous hills of Israel, looking for a place to birth her son - our Savior. Now that I know what pregnancy entails, I'm sure she was swollen, achey, weary and just plain miserable. Then, I imagined her feelings as I related them to my own concerning carrying a son, but intensifying them in knowing that she was carrying God's son. But now, now that I am a mother to a two year old boy, I find myself wondering about Mary even more.
There is a special relationship between a mother and son. I am Levi's refuge and when no one can make things better, Mommy always can. We are best buddies and our dynamic is unique and precious. We have a bond unmatched to another, and every day I thank God that I get to experience it. I know Jesus had the same thing with Mary. And she with him. I know she loved him more than anything in this world ... not only because he was God in the flesh, but because he was her son.
I imagine their day to day interaction and the stories she must have told to her friends. What funny things did Jesus say? What things did he do to make her laugh? What imaginary stories did he make up? What was his favorite toy? What made him laugh? What did he enjoy? To imagine the very God of very Gods in the form of my two year old son is absolutely mind boggling. How did she discipline? How do you discipline Christ? Was she overwhelmed with the responsibility of parenting the Lord or was she comfortable in viewing Him as her son? Oh, to sit down and discuss these things with her - how I would devour her words!
I imagine their special relationship. Their inside jokes and their sweet kisses. When Levi asks to hold my hand or randomly comes up to give me a hug and a kiss or screams out "I love you more than anything" as he's playing, I am completely overwhelmed with love. A deep, fierce, almost hurting love. A love I simply can not explain with words or bring to life with expression. It's just there. It was from conception and it's God given. Now combine the love that you have for your child with the love you have for God, and that's what I imagine Mary to be bursting with. I am just not sure if I could even process that in my human nature.
Levi asks me questions about Jesus all the time. He tells me that Jesus died on the cross for our sins and then always asks why. Trying to explain that Jesus IS God to a two year old is tricky, (he tells me "no He's not, Mommy. He's God's SON!"), and trying to explain sin and the salvation of our souls is something I try to do as simply as I possibly can. But he's still not satisfied. He wants to understand. And I know he will with time. But I imagine Jesus. Did He have similar conversations with Mary, or did He just innately KNOW? Did he know, at that early of an age, that He was both 100% man and 100% God? Was she able to ask Him questions as He grew older about faith? Did she have the inside scoop about all the things (i.e. "gray areas") that we always wonder about? Did He teach her just as she taught Him?
My questions just grow and intesify with each passing year and I'm certain that when I enter into eternity with my God, I will at some point seek out Mary and have a good long talk with her. Her life and testimony intrigue me to no end and as each new stage with Levi develops, I can't help but imagine Mary entering and soaring through the same stages with Jesus.
They were mother and son. God and child. She devoted her life to bringing Him up so that He might die - and that we might live. Praise GOD for His plan, His sovereignty and for the heroes in faith that we have to admire and aspire to emulate. I find myself beyond blessed this Christmas, that the Lord saw it fit to not only bless me with one son ... but with two. And for these precious souls, I pray will come to know and love the Son of God who was once like them, and then died for them.
And for myself, I pray for divine wisdom, as I do my best to lead them to Him.