Friday, January 16, 2009

I Almost Died.

Here's the story.

A few weeks ago, Husby and I went to the grocery store. We bought the usual groceries and toiletries, and went on our merry way. We went home and unpacked the groceries. I put the milk, juice and eggs in the refrigerator. I placed the cereal, flour, rice-a-roni and canned goods in the pantry. I threw the cleaning supplies in their proper places, and lastly, shoved my two brand new packs of mid-morning snacks on their special shelf.

I am ravenous in the mornings. I eat breakfast on the way to work and by 9:30 I feel as if my stomach is completely empty. I eat a yogurt or an apple sauce to get me by and always...always a pack of peanut butter crackers.

Since I have been on such a peanut butter crackers kick, while at the store a few weeks ago, I bought two packs of them to keep me stocked for a while.

Yesterday morning, as I was amidst my morning routine of putting on my makeup while watching Good Morning America, something caught my attention.

Peanut Butter Crackers.

"Oh, I must not be the only one who suddenly loves these salty little jewels - they're making National news!", I thought to myself.

Until I heard the world salmonella.

I dropped my mascara while smearing my eye liner as I sat with my jaw dropped in disbelief. The anchor was holding up TWO packs of peanut crackers while warning us: "If you have either of these packs of crackers, throw them away immediately. It has been discovered that they are carrying salmonella and this has resulted in five deaths to date."

I jumped up, ran into the pantry and checked my two packs of fresh crackers.

They were the exact two packs the anchor was holding. My eyes were fixed on the open package as I realized I had eaten 4 packs so far. I threw them away immediately and started to panic.



I broke out into hives, chills ran down my spine and sweat poured off my face. I grabbed my stomach and felt as if it were being attacked by millions of little salmonella amoebas. I started to heave and contemplated the nearest route to the Emergency Room.

Then....... I snapped out of it and realized I was just fine.




The human mind. It's a tricky little thing.

I rubbed little Levi and asked him if he had salmonella and he didn't answer. He did give me a little kick a few hours later though. I think it was his way of telling me that he was fine.

So...

If you don't hear from me in the next couple of days, please call the cops. I could be dead in my house surrounded by unopened packs of peanut butter crackers from the devil. If that's the case, you are all invited to my funeral.

On one condition.

You have to say really nice things about me and weep as loud as you can while wearing dramatic black head coverings. I want some mourning that people won't soon forget, guys!

And while you're at it, feel free to throw some fun goodies into my casket like some flowers and some loose diamonds to make me look pretty and sparkly. But please, no peanut butter crackers.

I can't believe I almost died.

50 comments:

  1. Cracking me up! Now about that journey your own, please send me a map when you get there. THANKS!

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  2. see...on! Not own! I will settle for sane and able to spell. I don't even have to be glamorous :)

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  3. haha, you're post was too funny!

    Saskia x

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  4. SO funny! I actually think I have that one kind too... I am on my way to the kitchen to check it out! Thanks for the info...

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  5. Wow! That was a close one! Ha ha!

    I still have a HUGE case of PB crackers I bought at Costco in the cabinet I need to toss. Heath and I have already eaten like 10 packs of them. Oops.

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  6. Thanks for the laugh this morning! You are too funny. That sounds like something I would do:)

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  7. hahaaha!!! Hilarious post! That is so scary though!

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  8. Seriously? I had not heard about this and we have the bulk pack from Sam's...hopefully, we've built up the immunity by now. They sure are good. :)

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  9. You are TOO FUNNY! Seriously, I'm glad you're okay. Had you got those little "Salmanella" boogers, you would have known before now! Thanks for the chuckle. BTW: I LOVE PB Crackers!!! Guess I need to watch more news and less Noggin!!

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  10. This was scary and funny to read at the same time. I am glad you are ok!!

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  11. I'm glad you are okay!! I think the media hypes things up a bit at times.

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  12. Oh my Gosssssssssh. I just bought the toasted peanut butter crackers for Dave this week--I just called him (he has been gone since Sunday and will return today) saying "dont eat those crackers!!" He said he already finished his two boxes and asked if I was trying to kill him... haha..

    But on a more serious note, I would wear a big black hat with feathers and mascara that wasn't waterproof. :0) Thanks for the laugh :0)

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  13. That is SO scary!!!! I'm so glad you didn't died!

    PS- We have the same trash can. :)

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  14. hehehehehe. you're too much!! or.... not enough cuz i just ADORE your writing! i'm thankful that you're salmonella free. stupid crackers!!! seriously tho, why'd they have to go and ruin perfectly good snacks??

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  15. I am the same way! If I hear that something made someone sick I start going through everything that might be similar. I hate being open to suggestion like that.

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  16. holy crap I have those same peanut butter crackers in my pantry right now! and in my desk at school!
    Ya know, this happened a couple years ago with the jar peanut butter, you'd think they could get their crap together! Whoever "they" are!

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  17. You are crazy!! But I love you and miss you my dear friend!

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  18. DRAMA QUEEN!! You crack me up. I would have been a little concerned too!

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  19. Go buy some Lance brand peanut butter crackers. that's the kind we get- very yummy and I looked them up and they are totally okay! They released a press statement to say they were in no way affected and have double checked anyways.

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  20. I heard about that! Oh no! I'm glad you're still alive, don't know what I'd do without my daily glam life house wife!

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  21. sounds exactly like something i would do...to the T...

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  22. Your hilarious! I did have salmonella when I was a kid; it was from undercooked chicken from an airplane meal; you know back when they served you a free meal. I was out of school for 9 weeks and I had to get a home tutor...it was not a pleasant thing.

    I am sure you are fine and Levi is doing fantastic. Just think the media does have a way of scaring us.

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  23. I'm so glad you didn't die.
    I love peanut butter crackers, but so glad we don't have the packaged kind (which we do on occasion). That's just terrible, what is this crazy world coming to.

    Try some soy chips, lots of protein and lots of great flavors as well. Spread some Laughing Cow cheese on them and OH SO YUMMY!

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  24. Yikes, I'm glad you're ok! The last thing you need to worry about during pregnancy is getting poisoned by your cravings!

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  25. Wow that is kind of scary!!! I"ve been craving all things peanut butter in the last week or so since I've been pregnant. I'll definitely not pick these up at the store!!!

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  26. Ah! Sad times, I LOVE those crackers.

    Glad you're OK. You're OK, right? Should I send out a search party? Are you there? Hello? Hello? Put down the peanut butter! I'm calling for help

    :)

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  27. Thanks for the heads up. I am a big GMA watcher but missed it this morning! Mine are now in the trash along with yours!

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  28. Who would ever think? And what are the chances that you just happen to catch it on the news?! God works in mysterious ways!!

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  29. I'll come to your funeral and I'm throwing in breakfast fruit bars in your casket, cause that's been my pregnancy craving for the past few months and we preggo ladies need to help eachother out!! :)

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  30. I solemnly swear that if you die from pb snack pack salmonella, I will throw diamonds in your casket :) you are so funny...makes me wanna steal your jokes :)

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  31. I don't mean to laugh, but you are too funny! Glad you and Levi are ok!

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  32. Okay, I just have to say something for the sake of my mom. She works for Kellogg's (who owns the companies who make those crackers). Apparently there has been a salmonella outbreak that is linked to peanut butter. These crackers have not gotten anyone sick yet, but have been taken off the shelves as a precaution. These crackers did not kill anyone (or make them sick), but some peanut butter did. Whew! Had to get that off my chest.

    Hopefully this hasn't scarred you for life and you will begin buying those awesome crackers again once they are deemed safe and put back on the shelves.

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  33. Hi I needed to add this to your comments as I just read this in the news. Eating peanut butter while you are pregnant results in a high increase of your baby being allergic to peanut butter once he is born. Which totally made sense to me because my best friend ate peanut butter everyday while she was pregnant with her son and her son is so allergic that she can't even have peanut butter in the house, if he even touches it he will end up in the emergancy room. You might want to look it up on the web, if I find the article I will forward it to you. Maybe your husband can check into it. Just food for thought !! I know how good it tastes, I love, peanut butter too. Happy Friday !!!

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  34. You're tooo funny...but that is pretty scary tho!

    Have a great weekend Whitney!

    Hugz,
    Michele

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  35. I have(had) the same crackers! Eat them every morning at school!! Have to find a new snack!!

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  36. you just crack me up! i can't believe that about the salmonella thing...i love peanut butter crackers too, but no more! you watching Good Morning America was not a coingkidink!!! that was for SURE a God thing, and He was protecting you and little Levi :) just be careful though, i really don't want to attend your funeral anytime soon!

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  37. That is hilarious! Amazing how our mind plays tricks on us, huh? ;)

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  38. lol! this is hilarious! I believe, now more than ever, that you really are my long lost sister, and that you have my mom's over reaction genes!!! ...Maybe I should state that I am so glad you are OK (mom never likes it if we disregard her near-death experiences). I would most definately make it to your funeral if those devil crackers did indeed get you. :D

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  39. I would have flipped out too! Glad you are ok.

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  40. oh gosh that would have scared me really bad too! by the way i tagged you on my blog! check out my latest post!

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  41. oh gosh that would have scared me really bad too! by the way i tagged you on my blog! check out my latest post!

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  42. I would have done the exact same thing BUT...you need to grab those crackers out of the trash and make them give you your money back!!!!

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  43. omigoodness, I'm glad that you are OK. You crack me up about the whole funeral thing!
    Maybe now, you can start making your own peanut butter crackers. :)

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  44. :D my mom called yesterday and left me a message telling me about this very product. I told you we were related :D

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  45. That's crazy - I just heard about the peanut butter problem today.

    Well, I'm glad you survived to tell the tale!

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  46. I heard about that!! How awful. And I just sent the hubby a pack!! OOOPS!

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  47. i was sooooo bummed over this... i had to throw out all my Clif bars!
    scary peanut butter craziness!

    so glad to know you are okay... and you are too funny!

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May the Lord bless you and keep you safe today! Thanks for the comment, friends! :)

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