One time I started watching all those TLC shows about couponing and thought I would try my hand at it. Nevermind the fact that I'm horrible with math and don't understand all the new fangled lingo that comes with the hot trend (doubling? stacking? huh?), I was set out to do it.
First things first - I went to Target at bought the cutest coupon holder folder I could find. That was my favorite part. I got the biggest, most elaborate folder out there. If I was going to do this, I was going to do it right.
(Probably my first red flag. Not sure professional couponers would spend $18 on a folder.)
Then I bought a newspaper and got my scissors ready. Wait. Where are all these people on all the shows finding all the coupons?! I was expecting 200 coupons... cut about 8.
Coffee mate creamer? CUT IT OUT!!!! (We don't use creamer.)
Ramen noodles? CUT IT OUT!!!!! (Can hardly stomach the smell, let alone the taste.)
Mentos? CUT IT OUT!!!!! (Haven't had one in 4 years, but why the heck not?!)
Canada Dry? CUT IT OUT!!!!! (Sure, we only drink it when we're sick, but I think my stomach kinda hurts. Maybe.)
8 out of the 8 coupons cut were things I never purchase.
I stuffed my precious coupons in my adorable folder and went to the grocery store. I parked myself on the snack aisle, whipped out my fancy folder, and began searching for the assorted peanuts jar to match my coupon. Just as I was reaching for my peanuts that I'll never eat, a man stopped me and said, "Wow. Look at you with your folder and your coupons!"
I stood up tall, held my chin high, cleared my throat and replied with, "yeah... I know, it's really something isn't it?" (Please don't ask me any questions, because I have no idea what I'm doing.)
"So, do you save like a ton of money? You're like .... a pro."
"Ha ha, *nervous laugh* yeah, ha ha, it's pretty fun!"
"Well, I'm impressed! I've never seen anyone in real life with their big folder and everything!"
"Yeah, I'm pretty crazy like that!" (nervously shoves 6 jars of peanuts in my cart and scurries away.)
Phew, that was a close one. I'm glad he didn't ask me about my stockpile.
After snatching a few more items, I headed over to the office supplies to load up on a lifetime supply of paper fasteners and my shopping trip was complete.
I spent $68 dollars worth of items I'll likely never use, but by golly I SAVED $7.72!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When Husby got home, I proudly whipped out my receipt, boasting of my excellent savings.
"That's awesome," he said. "What's for supper?"
"Um... I don't know. I need to go to the grocery store."
"But, didn't you just ......"
And that, my friends, was the first and last time I have ever tried my hand at couponing. Pretty sure I'm the only in life capable of wasting money to save money.
Eh, who has the room to stock 847 rolls of toilet paper anyway?