I like to think of myself as a proper person. I dated husby for 4 years before we got married and NOT ONCE did he hear me burp or heaven forbid…toot. I actually told him one time that I do not do those things at all – never – not even in the privacy of me, myself and I. I don’t think he believed me, but I hoped he would.
I once had a conversation with a guy friend from college and he told me he and his fiance did those things in front of each other every day. I gasped in horror and repugnance, and he went on to tell me that Husby and I were weird for not doing it. I knew he was wrong. I boasted in my girliness and femininity at all times and wanted Husby to know that I was a lady through and through. A proper lady who never did those kinds of things.
On our honeymoon, we took a Caribbean cruise. It was day 4 on the sea and we were all dressed up for formal night. I was in a beautiful canary yellow gown with fantastic jewelry and killer shoes. I got so many compliments on those shoes. We enjoyed a lovely dinner together, gazing in each others eyes and being totally in newlywedded splendor-filled love.
After dinner, we took a stroll around the ship hand in hand. We stopped at a map to see where the closest exit was so that we could sit outside and gaze at the stars above the roaring sea. It was the epitome of romance. We both stood in front of the map on Deck 3, quietly and intently as we searched for our exit, when we both heard a “toooot”.
Oh. My. Word.
I could have died. Actually, I think I did die and he had to revive me.
Husby looked over at me and my face turned 3 shades of red. “IT WASN’T ME!”, I yelled, and took off running down the hall trying to flee the scene.
He died laughing immediately and joked, “Man, Whitney – you married me and let everything go!” I wanted to cry. I was mortified. There we were, standing on Deck 3, and I was near tears from humiliation and he was near tears, too…from laughing.
To this day, he reminds me of the time I “Deck Three’d”, and I still insist that it wasn’t me.
Nope, not I. Til the day I die, it was not I.
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