Sunday, April 15, 2012

From Little Boy to Big Boy.

Something that was always at the forefront of my mind when I found out I was pregnant again, was my Levi and the adjustments and changes he would inevitably go through once the baby arrived. I think it's a natural feeling, to worry about that firstborn child and how they will feel once they are no longer the "one and only". I feel like the greatest gift you can give your child is a sibling, but the initial introduction and first weeks with one another looks different with every child - some may struggle with jealousy, others may revert to infancy, and some may ease into their new role. You just never know how a child will respond to and handle such a big life change, and it was something that worried me considerably with Weebie.

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From the day we found out we were expecting our sweet little Ezra Ray, we started covering the situation in prayer. We prayed for true understanding on Levi's behalf, and that he would know and comprehend what was going on. We prayed that his tender little heart would be filled with love for his new brother and that he would welcome him into our family with excitement. We prayed that he would never feel replaced or left out. We prayed that we would be extra sensitive to his needs and feelings, and that God would grant us wisdom and grace in dealing with the transition for Levi. Husby, my Mom and I were all praying these specific requests with confidence that the Lord would hold the entire situation in the palm of His hand.

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I tried my hardest to make Levi feel a part of the entire process. He accompanied me to every single doctor's appointment, and it quickly became his favorite place to go. On mornings that I had an appointment, he would jump out of bed with a giant smile and say, "we are going to see baby brother today!" Many days, out of the blue, he would ask if we could go to my doctor so we could see baby brother on the screen. My doctor's appointments were always a highlight of the weeks for him! He helped me choose things for him when we went baby shopping; he helped decorate the nursery; he helped Daddy with many a project for Ezra ... he was involved in absolutely every part of our pregnancy.

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We talked about him being a big brother a LOT. We told him what a big boy he was going to be, what a help he was going to be, and how his baby brother was going to love him so much. Any chance or opportunity that came up to talk about being a big brother, we jumped on it and hyped it up. We wanted him to KNOW what an important role he was going to slip into.

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As much as Levi seemed to understand it all, and acted excited about it, I still let doubt slip into my mind. I spent many a night in tears to Husby, worrying about what his reaction "might" be once the baby came. What if he didn't really understand that a new baby was coming to live with us? What if he didn't understand that the baby in my stomach was actually going to come out? What if he didn't understand that this is forever? All Levi had known his entire life was me and him. (Daddy, too, of course, but I'm talking about our week days - well, and some nights with Husby's crazy schedule.) He is my running buddy. Where I go, he goes. It's me and him all the time. I worried about him missing that. I worried about him remembering those days of just him and me, and wishing for them again. As much as I covered this in prayer, Satan knew how much of a concern it was, and he kept filling my head with these doubts. It was absolutely infuriating as I struggled with worry and trust. A constant battle.

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The day that we found out Ezra was to be born, we told Levi and he seemed to understand completely. He screamed, "YAY!! Ezra is coming out of your belly!", and was such a calm and sweet little boy as we sat around and waited all day. He would come up to me in the hospital bed and climb up to kiss me and tell me he loved me. He patted my belly and kissed it, laying his head on it like he did every night at home and said, "I love you, baby Ezra." He was just the sweetest thing - eager to meet his little brother.

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(Levi and Cousin Maxwell looking at Ezra!)

When he saw him for the first time, it was priceless. He was SO excited. The first thing he did was kiss his face and then kiss mine (then he said, Mommy! Your tummy isn't big anymore! Ha!!). He was the proudest big brother and wanted to show every one his new baby brother. My parents kept him while I was in the hospital and brought him up to see us every day. I could always hear Levi coming - running down the hall and screaming, "I'm going to see Ezra!!!" Every time he came bursting through the door with a giant smile on his face and sheer joy in his eyes, I lost it. I cried and cried. My baby boy was suddenly this precious big boy, and he was handling it so well. I covered him in kisses and told him how proud I was of him for being such a good big brother. All he wanted to do was help. He wanted to feed Ezra, burp him, kiss him, hold him, hug him, give him things ... he even wanted to change his diaper! Each time Levi came up to the hospital, I felt such peace. My big boy absolutely loved my baby boy, and it was such an answer to prayer.

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(Levi burping Ezra.)

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(Levi "holding" Ezra when he was under the bili lights.)

Life at home has been the same sweet story. Levi has been just dreamy. The day we pulled into the driveway on our first day home, he screamed, "Welcome Home, Ezra!" He has this voice that I have never heard come from him, and he only uses it when he's talking to Ezra. It is THE SWEETEST thing. He always says, "ohhh... he's so CUTE", in this high voice that will just melt your heart. The first thing he says every morning when he wakes up is, "where's Ezra?", and then he runs to him and gives him a kiss and says, "good morning, Ezra". He is so eager to get us whatever we need - diapers, pacifier, etc., and when we put Ezra down, Levi is always down with him entertaining and talking to him. He tells him he loves him all the time, and the other day they were in the living room alone as I was in the hallway and I saw Levi get down in Ezra's face, give him a kiss and say, "I love you, Ezra." The other day I said, "Levi, you are my angel." He said, "Ezra is your angel, too, Mommy." :) He is THE BEST big brother and he is adjusting better than we ever imagined. What an answer to prayer!

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(Levi planting the flowers he brought to me and Ezra while we were in the hospital.)

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I know that this is the beginning of such a special relationship these two precious boys will share for a lifetime. It has had such a sweet start, and they are so blessed to have one another. The ease of this transition the Lord has graciously poured over our family has made this first week and a half nothing but enjoyable. I know my boys will inevitably have ups and downs throughout the years - and we will surely battle jealousy and spats down the road, but their introduction to one another has truly been flawless. And I have no one to thank but my Lord.

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God has proven to me time and again that my concerns are His concerns. All we have to do is ask and trust. He is gracious. So very gracious.

19 comments:

  1. Love it!! That's so beautiful. You have a such a lovely family. Children are a blessing!! When each one knows that are truly loved and an important and valuable member of your family all is right with their world. We have 4, and I have had no jealousy with any of them. It just gets better each time. Congrats again!!

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  2. What a blessing!! Their little bond and relationship will grow and grow and continue to melt your heart! (I know it's been that way for my boys) God is good!

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  3. These pictures melt me heart!

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  4. I honestly wish I had your strength of prayer. Its an area I struggle in a lot, but you inspire me.

    And Levi looks like such a little man in the nursery shot. How freaking ADORABLE!

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  5. That is so precious! He is going to be an awesome big brother. Love the picture where they are both smiling :)

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  6. Isn't it amazing how God answers our prayers and all our worries and fretting was silly!

    Your two boys are so adorable!!! I love it! We just had our second baby almost 4 months ago and I was the exact same way. I had an overwhelming guilt with our daughter that she wouldn't feel as loved or get sad not having all our attention. She had me and her dad for 4 years to herself. My hubs is in med school (I know you just got out of that stage of life so you can relate). So it's just me and her days and some nights., but she had no issues though. Is the best big sister! I worried for nothing. :)

    Congrats again! Ezra is precious! Can't wait to read more about Levi and Ezra's relationship as they grow!

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  7. So precious! God bless you and your family!

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  8. Just read this and couldn't help but tear up. I know exactly what you mean! I have two girls and my oldest was not quite two when the little one was born. They are now 5 and 3 and seriously, the best of friends. But I remember having those same fears and concerns. God is so good and He is using you and your husband to build such a legacy of joy and prayer and devotion! Congratulations to you on the birth of Ezra. May God richly bless you!

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  9. Those pictures are all so beautiful. You can tell how in love he is with his little brother.

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  10. Such sweet brothers! What a blessing!

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  11. I could have written your story. My boys age difference is just about the same as your boys...and worry and pray I did! But God is so much bigger than our worries, and they are the best of friends! So sweet!

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  12. What a beautiful, blessed family you have! :)

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  13. This is so beautiful. You have the sweetest boy and his little brother will grow to be just like him! What a great lesson you took Levi on through your pregnancy and it obviously paid off because he is being such a great big brother all ready.

    The power of prayer is amazing and I wish I had your strength in this area because it obviously shines through in your family!

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  14. You are so right about how when you fun out your expecting your second you immediately think. About your first. Hoe old they will be and how it's going to effect them. We had our second in march and with my 22 month old there was no telling what we were going to get. I'm pleased to say that she loves him to death. Of course it's a mixed blessing having an adoring older sister. We had to call poison Control thanks to her help. He sneezed and she wiped his nose with a wipe that had A&D on it and got a glob in his mouth and up his nose! 3 weeks and his first poison call! She also has the baby voice. I can't wait to get her saying "hey baby!" in it and has a special giggle for him. Pure delight! We've been blessed.

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  15. That is so wonderful! All your stories made me cry, probably because my son will be 20 months in July when his little brother is born, and I worry the same way. I hope the transition goes as well for us!

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  16. Oh the tears! Levi is just the sweetest little boy with such a kind heart. I love reading your posts about him and am so thrilled to read about your two boys growing up together. They are precious!

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  17. This is incredibly sweet! After having read all about Levi on your blog, I feel like I know the little fella. It's no surprise that he is an amazing big brother!!

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  18. So reassuring. Our first boy will be 19 months when baby brother is born, and I am so stressed out, mostly about when I'm in the hospital. We will have moved within the month before (residency. . .), 5 hours from my in-laws and 9 from my parents, we don't know anybody there yet. . .I don't know who is going to take care of my little buddy while I'm in the hospital. He's never been away from me for more than a few hours, he is a total momma's boy, and I let myself get so worked up and worried about it, but you're right. We just need to continue to pray and trust. It'll all work out, and then we'll all be home together =)

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May the Lord bless you and keep you safe today! Thanks for the comment, friends! :)

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