Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Childbirth 101

Last Thursday night Husby and I went to our very first childbirth class. It was located in my Doctor’s office, which I found to be pretty darn convenient. I got off of work at 5, Husby got out of class, we ran a few errands, shoved two tacos down each of our throats and went on our way.

I take that back. I shoved two tacos down my throat. He shoved a crunch wrap supreme down his.

Now that we cleared that up…

I told Husby about one of my bloggy friends who sat on the front row of their childbirth class and got to laughing. And couldn’t stop. I told him to make sure we don’t do that because once I start laughing, well, I can’t stop. I advised him that no matter what, go to the back of the class.

We strolled into the all too familiar building and made our way up to the 6th floor. We swung open the door, both smiling ear to ear - excited to learn about childbirth (though I think Husby is more qualified to teach this class than the actual leader), and stopped dead in our tracks.

There were four chairs set up. Four. And two of them were filled. Grrrrreat. We gave each other a quick glance (and smirk) out of the corner of our eyes and made our way over to the instructor to introduce ourselves.

After we took our seats, I ferociously thumbed through my packet, trying to avoid eye contact with Husby because I knew I would just lose it. It was way too quiet in there. The other couple was very nice and she looked as if she could pop at any second. The instructor offered us bottles of water and granola bars to munch on. Everything was very laid back and informal, just the way I prefer.

We went through a slide show about pregnancy and hit all the high points of each trimester along with the growth and development of our baby. We talked about everything from meconium to umbilical cord care (gag) and everything in between.

The instructor spent a lot of time talking about nursing and she covered basically everything we need to know, which is good because I had 1,129 questions running through my head. It was during this conversation that I wanted to run out of the room.

I totally humiliated myself.

You see, one might think that the terminology used in nursing one’s baby might make an immature individual burst into laughter. That is not what happened to me, but it sure looked like it. The instructor stood directly behind me for most of the class so that she could see the power point screen and properly switch slides. God love her, she is a precious woman who is very good at what she does, but… well, she is hilarious and doesn’t know it.

As she discussed the intricacies of nursing, she also stated that it is very normal for the husbands/dad’s to feel left out in some ways. She continued talking and I continued listening.

“Moms be sure to make special time for your husbands, and don’t worry about leaving your baby with someone for a few hours. You need that time alone and just because you are spending time away from the baby, I don’t want you to feel guildee.”

I sat in my chair and thought to myself, “did she just say “guildee”’? Just as I finished that thought, I heard Husby snicker to himself. That was all it took. I glanced his way and saw him with his hand up by eyes and a smile the size of Texas. Immediately, I burst into laughter.

It was awful. I shook, I bounced, I bit the side of my mouth trying to stop the enormous laughter pouring forth from my mouth, but nothing could stop it. I couldn’t look to my right because that’s where Husby was. I couldn’t look to my left because that is where the other (staring) couple was. I grabbed my water bottle and tried to force some water down, but that resulted in a minor choking incident. It was one of the single worst moments of my life.

The instructor, who was still right behind me, stopped what she was saying for a few seconds and it got dead silent. I covered my face with my hair and continued to bounce. Up and down. Uncontrollably. All that I could think about was “guildee – guildee – she said guildee! WHO says guildee?!”

After about 3 minutes of straight laughter, I finally gained some composure. I was just about to excuse myself from the room when the laughter finally ceased. I wiped the tears from my eyes and refocused. I just know that everyone thought I was laughing about the breastfeeding jargon.

How humiliating.

After class, we all took a tour of the hospital and learned the in’s and out’s of room requesting, checking in, the terror of the delivery room and the fantastic godsend – the epidural.

Husby and I left the labor and delivery floor hand in hand, talking about how the next time we are there; we will leave with one more in tow. How incredible! We are excited for our final childbirth class this week and I am just praying that I do not get a case of the giggles again.

Because, well, I would feel really guildee.

33 comments:

  1. man oh man do I feel your pain, from one inappropriate giggler to the next!
    the number of times I have gotten the stink eye from numerous pastors in my lifetime...... lol! xx

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  2. My sister, her best friend and I were sitting in on an info session at the college she would be attending (and has now graduated from). It was dead quiet in the room and my sister's friend's stomach suddenly growled SOOOOO loudly and for SOOOOO long! Everyone could hear it and it just didn't stop. The three of us shook with silent laughter, but no one else thought it was funny. They missed out.

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  3. I laughed out loud at a homeschool, highschool graduation while my pastor was in the middle of his speech and I had a whole room full of proud parents giving me the eye. I couldn't help it. It was a horrible night. I was 8&1/2 months preggo, soaking wet as it was raining, plus sweating profusely as it was hot in the building and I had my 2 year old with me. She gagged on a granola bar and made this hidious, lurching sound. I don't know why, but it just cracked me up and I COULD NOT stop laughing. I felt horrible.

    But I still laugh out loud when I think about it. Good times.

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  4. please continue to share about your classes! it's very interesting for me as I'm starting to learn about all these interesting things about pregnancy (i'm a newlywed...not pregnant yet...at least for a while, we hope) and advice about where to sit...that's important since I have uncontrollable laughter spasms on a weekly basis.

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  5. I can just see you! That is so funny. And, Anne's story made me laugh out loud sitting at the computer. Sadly, I have had some of my worst outbursts at funeral homes and funerals. There is something about knowing that you are supposed to be composed and quiet that just sets me off.

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  6. That is so funny. I'm glad you guys got a chance to get some good information though!

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  7. Oh Whitney ~ you guys are a riot! I love hearing all your stories and feel like I'm in this pregnancy right along with you!

    Hugz,
    Michele

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  8. hah haaa...that made me laugh out loud!
    there are a few places i seem to always get the case of the giggles and they're always the worst places...church, waiting room at a doctor's office, graduation, etc. well, i'm glad you recovered. :)

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  9. hehehehehehe. i am the QUEEN of doing this. cannot help it. as in, during our wedding? i was so nervous that i started to giggle. and then made the mistake of looking my husband in the eye- and he started snickering, and lordy be, we said our vows while trying not to erupt into laughter. it's our style- and also left us with hilarious memories :)

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  10. oh my goodness...this was too funny!

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  11. The same thing happened to me one time in college. My French professor started singing some really strange song in an unnaturally deep voice because he was going to be in a play that night. I totally lost it and could not stop laughing. I felt so bad! When I think about that moment, I still cringe.

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  12. I was laughing right along with you while reading this!! I think we have all had those moments where we started lauging, and couldn't stop no matter how hard we tried. You told this story in such a perfect way! Hilarious!

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  13. that's hilarious! i can't wait to go to this class :) and now i will have to try so hard not to crack up laughing!

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  14. I just love moments like that.. David & I both almost had a fit of laughter when we got married because our preacher (we had a ceremony at my parents house with just us and my parents) couldn't get out a word. I felt really bad and had to turn away.

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  15. Okay - so she meant to say "guilty", right? but she had more emphasis on the d? Maybe I'm like super slow but when I saw that written I was like that's not a word, so I promptly looked it up on dictionary.com and then I was like OHHHH the lady said guilty. ha ha (I guess without hearing it I totally missed what you were saying). Me = retarded.

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  16. I hate when stuff like this happens! The worst is in church.

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  17. Hahahaha. I hate those situations where you want to laugh but can't. It is embarassing!!

    During a seminar here at work once my step-mom was sitting next to me and sneezed. And when she sneezed she tried to cover it up and it ended up sounding like she farted out of her nose. WE were both shaking so bad from trying to laugh silently that we had to separate from each other. (and then we got in trouble later!) Hahaha.

    You are too funny girl! I loved this story - it made me want to share mine so sorry for the novel of the comment!

    And guildee - hahah. (o:

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  18. Oh man, those classes are begging for laughs! Ours was an all-day class and I definitely made Josh wear the empathy belly, so that was fun. I think the most awkward part for us was the actual birth video. I know it's amazing, but I kind of think that it's really only amazing if you know the person. Or the story. Or if it's yourself. You know what I mean? Other than that, it feels kind of ... intrusive? to watch someone else give birth!!

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  19. That is so stinkin' hilarious. I am so glad K and I weren't the other couple. I hate those kind of moments. But at the same time I LOVE THEM!

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  20. ba ha ha ha!! Whitney, I would do the same thing. I have no control out of my laughter once it hits.

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  21. I love this post.. it makes me laugh just thinking about it:)

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  22. Oh my gosh! If I could, I would call you up right now and we could just laugh and laugh and laugh as loud as we want at childbirth classes! Its so much worse than getting the giggles in church, isn't it???? :)

    I'm sorry for your embarrassment, but I'm so glad it wasn't just me!!!

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  23. i was smiling the whole time i read this post! that is hilarious! and sounds like something that would so happen to hubby and me too=) oh but how exciting, i am so excited for you guys, you will have so much fun being parents!

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  24. Thanks for clarify that Kathryn..I did the EXACT thing and I was still confused. :)

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  25. Oh man, I love it when someone can't get the giggles to quit--too funny! Glad you made it through!! ;)

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  26. haha, that was definitely a laugh out loud story!

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  27. You may not be able to see your ankles, but you still have your sense of humor. It will come in handy very soon!

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  28. Oh, man! That's hilarious! That would happen to you :-)

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  29. That is hilarious...I would be the same way..like "Did she really just say that?!"

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  30. i just busted up laughing at my desk! thanks for the smile today!

    i'm so excited for you guys!

    :)

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May the Lord bless you and keep you safe today! Thanks for the comment, friends! :)

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