Wednesday, October 5, 2011

The Power of the Tongue.

Do you remember when you were a little girl and dreamed of your Prince Charming sweeping you off of your feet and carrying you sweetly into your happily ever after? The dreams of who he would be and the excitement that flooded your heart when you imagined him was almost overwhelming. You looked ahead to your wedding day, your life as newlyweds, the future with that perfect someone that was filled with endless possibilities and opportunities. It was the greatest adventure a little girl could ever dream up!

And then you meet that special someone and your dreams quickly become your reality. You are so wrapped up in love that it's hard to see straight. You look back on what you dreamed your husband would be like and proudly smile with who he is.

I love seeing newlyweds with that spark of such enthusiasm and love for one another. It's so charming and just a delight to see, especially in this day and age. But something that I love even more than seeing newlyweds with that passion, is seeing an established, well-aged marriage with that same spark. The couples who have been together for many years and you still see that look in their eye when they catch each other's glance from across the room. The man who cherishes his wife and the woman who respects her husband. It is the absolute essence of romance.

I feel like there are many "secrets" to a happy love-filled marriage (those "secrets" are plainly revealed in Scripture), but one I have been very passionate about lately is this one.

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This quote (from Pinterest) caught my eye a couple weeks ago and I think it should be plastered on every wife's handbag, fridge, mirror - wherever they can see it often. A lot of married ladies get sucked into the trap of "husband-bashing", especially when out with girl friends, on social media, etc., and nothing irritates me more. You know the saying that those you love the most, you end up treating the worst? Well, there is something extremely wrong with that mindset. How dare the people we cherish the most in this life become the dirt on our feet. It's just not right. ESPECIALLY when it comes to your spouse.

Proverbs 31:10-12
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.


How can your husband trust you if you are bad mouthing him behind his back? Are you harming your husbands reputation simply by the words you choose?

Our husbands are our soul mates. Our other half. How would we feel if they were out with their guy friends speaking horribly about us? It would crush our spirits. It would give us a bitter attitude. It would give us a spirit of distrust and dishonor. It would wound our hearts.

We, as husband and wife, have a responsibility to one another. To love. To cherish. To honor. To obey. To respect.

Sure, we all have things that irritate us about each other and things that sometimes make us crazy. But I am a firm believer in going to each other with our frustrations and concerns - NOT anyone else. A marriage relationship is a sacred, holy union. We have to guard it with everything we have - our hearts, our minds, our actions ... and our words.

Something I have found with myself is that the more I edify my husband, the harder it is to see the imperfections (even those giant size 13 shoes laying around all over the house). ;) I think it's important to not only edify them to others, but also TO THEM. They need the encouragement and need to see that you are their biggest fan. And you know what? I guarantee they will be yours, too.

And trust me, I am by no means an expert in being a Proverbs 31 wife and mother. It is something I strive for daily, but am lacking in often. I hope and try to live it out as best I can, but goodness sakes, sometimes my attitude just basically needs a BIG overhaul and often times I just throw in the towel for the day. I am humbled to my knees in studying this woman and it is my life's goal to be named with her attributes. This little token of marriage advice is something I feel like I am equipped to encourage y'all with, simply because it's always been something I've been aware of and passionate about. There are other areas that I fail at miserably.

But I just want to encourage you as wives and girlfriends to not get sucked into the world of husband-bashing. Next time you're around it, throw all your friends off guard and say something great about your husband. It will likely change the tone of the conversation, and the evidence of your love and respect for your husband will surely be a testimony.

"Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." Ephesians 4:29

Guard your marriage. Guard your words. And value your husband for the gift that he is. Choose to find the Prince Charming in your man every single day.

54 comments:

  1. Amen.
    I love this post!!
    I can't stand those women who don't stop criticizing their husbands.

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  2. THANK YOU! For this timely reminder :) total blessing.

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  3. That is a well-said and very great post! It makes me sad when I hear women bash their husbands. Because I was single for a few years, it would especially irritate me when my married friends did that because it seemed like they weren't appreciating what they had. I promised myself that I would never do that when I got married, and I have not! :)

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  4. Awe, I love this!

    One thing that annoys me more than anything else is seeing facebook statuses from married couples that share intimate details of arguements and disappointments with their spouse. I've never understood how humiliating the person you love solves anything.

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  7. I often think about it if the shoe was on the other foot every time I'm tempted to share a story. What if my husband were telling everyone everything *I* did wrong? I think the list would be a LOT longer than anything I can come up with for him.

    That said, there's a balance between being honest about struggles and being a husband-basher. It does no one any favors to pretend marriage is perfect and wonderful and that there are never problems. A group setting, though is rarely the place for that, and if I'm going to reveal something about my husband I'm positive first that he would be ok with me sharing, and I am usually quick to point out where I went wrong.

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  8. thank you, thank you, thank you!

    i rarely comment, but i do read faithfully, and i enjoy your blog. i just had to come out from behind my google reader for this one, though. i am getting married in 45 days (YAY!!!), and i have noticed this problem in so many women. i recently went to a lingerie shower for another engaged friend, and several middle aged ladies were there (don't get me started on that...). after E opened her gifts, someone suggested we all give her advice for the marriage. what could have been (and SHOULD have been) a sweet time of giving encouragement and wisdom to this soon-to-be bride turned into at least 45 minutes of trying to out-bash one another's husbands. the young people's side of the room did great with advice; the other side, not so much. all this to say, i do appreciate the need for a post such as this. you communicated my exact thoughts & feelings so well, and i thank you for encouraging us to honor and respect our husbands. =)

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  9. I sometimes make teasing remarks about my husband's hoarding (he's not really a hoarder) and he jokes about my OCD. But there is a limit, and I rarely, if ever, discuss our fights and true frustrations. Those stay between us. If I do discuss them, it's with someone who has an objective perspective and is there to help. Rarely happens. But yeah we do tease and joke because we're both the type that tease.

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  10. Amen! This is a wonderful post.

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  11. Amen! In the midst of a disagreement or struggle, this can be difficult ... but following God's word is always rewarding!!

    I think some women 'vent' in lieu of seeking wise counsel in tough situations. Cautiously and confidentially seeking the counsel of trained care providers and 'older' believers can also help a relationship flourish and move past a time of difficulty.

    (I am not such a service provider, but I rely on the counsel of my elders and sometimes trained care givers in difficult situations - marital or otherwise.)

    Gossip? (though tempting!) is never helpful.

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  12. I love this post. I agree 100%!

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  13. So glad you posted this! One of my favorite verses is Ephesians 4:29 - "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

    If it's not going to build others up, then I don't want it coming out of my mouth!

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  14. Whitney, this is a great reminder. I see this so much on Twitter. The only thing that bothers me more is when women complain about their mother-in-law. I know I’m lucky in that I get along famously with mine, but I can’t imagine openly bashing the woman that raised your husband to be the man of your dreams! So sad.

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  15. Agreed. Although no one is perfect, grace should always be extended to our precious husbands. I am so thankful for the wonderful man with whom God blessed me.

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  16. Thank you for this Whitney! It's a great reminder!

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  17. This has to be one of my favorite posts from you! You said what many have needed to hear. Good job!

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  18. It breaks me to read this post today. I have been married for 7 1/2 years, and we have been separated for the last 2 months. I have been doing everything I can to save our marriage at this point, but it seems my husband is ready to end it all. I'm heartbroken, and still praying for a miracle. I know that I have tried, but I also know I have made a lot of mistakes. I have watched my husband walk away from the Lord and from me in the last few years, so it easy at times to place the blame on him. But, I know, in my heart of hearts, that I hold just as much responsibility in this. I didn't always love him and respect him as I should have. And now, it's too late.

    Ladies, love your husbands. Lift them up, encourage them, and show them respect. EVEN WHEN THEY DON'T DESERVE IT. We don't deserve God's grace & mercy, and yet HE gives it freely anyways. We should offer the same to our husbands. Don't let your marriage slip through your fingers. Don't allow satan a foothold in your marriage.

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  19. I started a study on the Proverbs 31 woman and need to find my book and finish it. Everything you said is so true. I find myself talking with applicants who are married about what a great job Ty did with devoting time to me and to medical school. I need to tell him more frequently about how grateful I am for that then and now.

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  20. I love this post so much!! Perfectly said!

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  21. I owe you so much appreciation for the time, energy, and love that you packed into this post. I am a newly wed (less than one month in!) and I feel so easily sucked into work gossip not only about friends but about family and husbands. It is reading things like this so early in our marriage that gives me the strength to push past other people's negative remarks and really bask in the love I have for my new husband. I am absolutely smitten but know that there will be tough times. I thrive off of prayer and faith in knowing that all of the decisions I make are part of God's divine plan for me, and I wish to be nothing sort of the strong Christian woman I have so many examples in my life of. Thank you again for posting things like this, things that totally knock me off my feet and provide a much needed reality check... no matter how long I've been married.

    I absolutely LOVE this/your blog.

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  22. I AGREE!! I see so much husband bashing on Facebook. Utter hatefulness sometimes. It breaks my heart to see it. It makes me wonder why they married the man, if they hate him so much.
    My husband can get on my nerves too (and I on his!), but I have never EVER seen the need for publicly bashing him. Ever.
    Thanks for posting this!

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  23. Awesome. I saw this on pinterest also and I love it. I haven't been married that long (7 wonderful months today) and at this point can't imagine talking bad about my husband to anyone...I know that eventually tough times will come along and my prayer is that I'll continue to let the Lord control my tongue.
    Great post!

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  24. What a wonderful post. Thank you!

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  25. I love this post. For some reason, where I live, I feel like marriage is viewed differently than maybe in the south or more "conservative" states. Hence the reason I sometimes do feel like we would fit better in one of those states. Marriage is sacred, thank you for the reminder that I hope to remember all the days of my life!

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  26. What a wonderful post! I feel so passionately about this and I get so upset with women when all they do is bash their husbands. Very well said!

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  27. Great post and great reminder - thank you! I'm in a Bible study and we are reading the book "When Sinners Say I Do" and it has also been really amazing in bringing you back to the root of things and of your attitude and heart.

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  28. Oh goodness, this post reminded me of an amazing book I read that all ladies should read. It is called For Women Only. Seriously go get it. It goes right along with your post!

    www.classyconfessions.blogspot.com

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  29. So true. I completely agree. Thanks for a great post and great reminder!

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  30. I sometimes wish I would just cut my tongue out and my fingers off. I wish that for a lot of people actually...what we say and now, to a big extent, what we write is SO powerful. I messaged a woman recently on facebook because she was airing SO MUCH dirty laundry about her husband ON FACEBOOK. I mean, oh my goodness...how embarrassing.
    I agree with other comments that there is a difference between mutual teasing and some people communicate differently, but overall- don't shame your spouse. Period.
    I just can't imagine if I did that to my husband..I think there'd be a hammer in the computer screen and RIGHTLY SO. People feel so justified sometimes to blurt out any old thing...compassion and respect.
    Loved this Whitney!!

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  31. This is a wonderful post. I am doing 31 Days of Proverbs 31, and I linked to your post today, because you said it better than I ever could. XO

    http://www.abrighteryellow.com/2011/10/pinspired-proverbs-31-edition.html

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  32. I don't normally comment either, but this post really hit home for me today. My hubs of 14 months and I have been having a rough patch lately and I have probably been turning to more people than I should for advice and a listening ear. I know you shouldn't talk to your friends about your marital problems and about your spouse.

    This really reiterated to me that I need to do a better job of keeping our problems between us because the last thing I want to do is make my husband look bad to anyone.

    Thank you so much for writing this!!

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  33. New follower from Kodi's blog! This post puts a lot into perspective for me. Thanks for sharing!

    ~Whitney @ Keeping up with Kynlee

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  34. I absolutely couldn't agree more. My husband and I have had this conversation so many time...we need to be each other's loudest cheerleader...not critic. You worded this so much better than I would have... =)

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  35. Thank you for posting this! My husband is a police officer and it is very hard on our marriage. We have been arguing a lot because of his hot temper and I have been confiding in friends instead of HIM!

    I needed to read this- thanks again

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  36. I needed to read this Whitney, so thank you sincerely. And congrats on your little baby BOY nugget!! :)

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  38. I don't think I've ever commented before but here goes! I think it is hard at times, especially with so many women our age having picked up on the "Sex and the City" mindset where all they did was sit around and talk about their men in excruciating detail. I think a lot of women think it's a good way to bond with their girlfriends! All I know is, for my husband and I, it would be the fastest way for the two of us to "un-bond". Thanks for this post, I think it is a good reminder for all of us!

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  39. Hi I posted the other day and realized I goofed and wrote it wrong. Here is what I meant to say:
    I saw this on Pinterest and thought that you could apply to this:
    before you speak, THINK

    T- is it true?
    H- is it helpful?
    I- is it sincere?
    N- is it necessary?
    K- is it kind?

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  40. Beautiful post! I think a lot of women could use a reminder like this pretty often - myself included. It's so easy to get caught up in gossip but I try to remind myself to always consider whether I would want my husband sharing a similar story before I share anything about him to others.

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  41. absolutely LOVE this. LOVE LOVE LOVE. I couldn't agree more.

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  43. I agree that we should be careful with our words and that we should build up our husbands whenever possible, but I think saying "Don't talk bad about your husband to anyone EVER," is terrible advice. If a woman is abused and she is taught to never utter a word - EVER - and that is how women take this kind of advice - they are in more danger when they keep silent. Women need to know that it is okay to tell someone or more than one someone (according to Matthew 18) if their husband is sinning against them. It is scriptural and necessary.

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  44. I couldn't agree more! I could also take some cues from your post. I am humbled and reminded. Thank you. :)

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May the Lord bless you and keep you safe today! Thanks for the comment, friends! :)

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