I am a couple weeks into my second trimester and I am slowly but surely getting my energy back. I thought this day would never come! I had forgotten just HOW tired growing a little person makes a girl, but boy howdy, it was a rough couple of months and I am thrilled to welcome back some much-needed energy.
My baby love is the size of an orange and I felt his first little kicks the other day!! It was THE most precious feeling in the world. I mean, there is just nothing like it. Nothing at all. I sit and wonder who he is all the time. Who is this sweet little angel that the Lord has given to us? What will he be like? Who will he look like? Oh, this baby!
My appetite is back, too, which is nice. It was bizarre not wanting anything to eat ever. That's definitely not the case these days. I don't have any huge "cravings", but sometimes something will strike me and I'll really want it. I went 14 weeks without gaining any weight and then after spending some time with my folks last week, I came home and had gained two pounds. THANKS, MOM AND DAD! I blame the crazy amounts of cream gravy and fried food I consumed. Oopsy! (Oh, but it was worth every LB. YUM.)
We've been tossing around a couple of names, but one is really sticking out to me. Before we knew that he is (more than likely) a boy, I could not come up with ANY girl names. Not ONE! The only name I could come up with was this particular little boy name. It kept creeping up every single time I thought of this little angel. Maybe this name was "meant to be"! :) Anyway, it's adorable and I'll be excited if that is what we settle on. There is so much pressure in naming a child. I mean, it's his name for the rest of his life! We have his middle name set in stone, though. I'm excited!
Levi points to the ultrasound photos hanging on the 'fridge all the time and says, "that's my baby brother!!!" with such excitement. I am just so blessed. I can not wait to see the little relationship they form and have for life. I was picturing them as one another's best men at each other's wedding the other day and almost lost it. Oh, my BOYS! They sure have captured their Mommy's hearts. My cup runneth over.
I know that every baby is a miracle and such a gift, but I think that I am realizing that more deeply with this pregnancy. With my first, it was "baby baby cutesy baby - we've got to do this - we've got to do that" and completely jumping into everything with such blinders. I was just thrilled to be pregnant and finally start living my dream of being a Mommy, that I didn't truly stop and realize every day, like I am with this one, what an absolute blessing and enormous responsibility this is. This child was chosen for us from the beginning of time, and the honor of God entrusting him and Levi with us will just bring me to my knees. I don't even feel worthy.
Husby and I feel such a responsibility of raising this little baby boys to be strong and mighty men of God - something this world is absolutely lacking and desperately needs. But the fact that God trusts us to do so? Well, that's just the most humbling feeling in the world. I trust my carpet will be worn smooth from seeking wisdom. :)
Several people have asked me if I am disappointed that I'm not having a girl. Honestly, the answer is a big ole "not at all". (And that question hurts my feelings, because ... gosh, y'all just don't know how I feel about my baby boys. And how could you be disappointed over a LIFE inside of you?). Before I was married, I had my life planned out and always said I wanted two children: a boy first and then a girl. Then when the Lord gave me Levi, my heart was completely changed. I didn't have that feeling of "my next one better be a girl" or "when I have a girl" or anything like that. My heart turned to "the blessing of another CHILD" and whatever that baby may be is exactly what the Lord has ordained. Boy or girl, I just want for us what HE wants for us. And my heart means that one hundred percent.
I remember driving into our neighborhood when Levi was only a couple months old and I looked at Husby and said, "I kind of feel like we're going to have another boy ... and you know what, I kind of really hope we do." He smiled and agreed with me. My heart didn't only change concerning the gender of my children, but also the number. I was always dead set on two, and after Levi, we're just not sure now what the plan is for us. It's something we always approach prayerfully and never "this is the way it's going to be". I have no idea what He has in store for my family in the coming years, and if that is for us to have and parent more children - then bring it on! And if He gives us a little girl one day, then we will be thrilled, of course, because most every parent would love to experience each gender and that will be another precious little life given graciously to us.
But right now, y'all, I'm rejoicing head over heels because of these baby boys. And I couldn't be more grateful.
Okay, I'm off to cut a slice of pineapple carrot bread and pour a glass of orange juice. Oh guys, this is the best bread you've ever laid lips on! I just might justify two pieces tonight. :)