Monday night, Husby, Weebie and I were all in his big boy room hanging pictures and putting the final touches on everything. Well, Levi wasn't hanging pictures, but he was doing a good job of running around with the hammer and banging on everything he saw. Monkey.
As he flew by me in a flash, I realized he needed a new diaper, so I ran to the nursery to grab one. As soon as I walked into the room, it was like I was hit by a bolt of lightening that pretty soon he wasn't going to be sleeping there anymore. We've been working on this room for a month, but it's like it just hit me right then and there. I grabbed the diaper and stifled my tears. I tried to not look around at all the things that bring back floods of memories of Levi as an infant, but I couldn't help it. I was surrounded by them.
I scurried into the big boy room and tried to rush past Husby quickly so that he wouldn't notice the tears streaming down my face, but I wasn't so good at hiding them. I burst out into tears and just flat out started bawling. I'm talking, ugly-cry-almost-screaming-I'm-crying-so-hard bawling. Husby dropped everything, wrapped me in a hug and said, "Whitney, WHAT is WRONG?"
"I DON'T WANT HIM SLEEPING IN HERE. HE'S TOO LITTLE. HE'S JUST A BABY!!!!"
Husby stifled his laughter and continued to hug me, "I know", he whispered, "I know."
I cried for a good ten minutes and as I peered up from Husby's wet-from-tears chest, I saw Levi standing against the wall with wide eyes and a concerned look on his face.
"Mommy is crying", he said.
I sat down on the floor and he ran to me, jumped in my lap, gave me a giant kiss on the lips and then wrapped his arms around my neck. "I love you much, Mommy", he said. I continued weeping and I held on to him for as long as I could. I know he was trying to comfort me because he never moved a muscle. He stayed in my lap until I put him down.
He KILLS my HEART.
Knowing that he will turn two at the end of the month is tearing me up. It has been worlds harder than him turning one, and I'm not sure why. Maybe because he was still a baby when he turned one, and now with each passing day, he is becoming more and more of a big boy. I am overjoyed and hugely proud of the precious little boy that he is and is becoming, but knowing how fast these two years have flown by just makes me sad. I know that before I know it he will be 3. And then 4. And then 16. And then an adult. And there is nothing I can do to stop that.
I treasure these moments. I treasure my little angel. I treasure this child that I feel like I could burst from loving so much.
I'll probably remain a basket case over the course of this month, so if you see me in a puddle of tears in the middle of the grocery store, don't mind me. I've got a severe case of the Baby Grow Ups, and it will be an absolute miracle if I ever actually let Levi graduate to his big boy room. Because once he's there, there's no going back.