Monday, March 9, 2009

How To Be A Lady During Allergy Season

If you have read my blog for a while, you may remember my "How To Be A Lady In The Woods", post. It is time, yet again, for another round of "How To Be A Lady".

This time, we are focusing on sneezing, boogers and snot. Not exactly the essence of femininity, if you will.

If you are anything like me, Spring is not exactly dandelions, rainbows and sundrops. No siree. Rather, it is tissues, headaches and puff-tastic eyes. I look beautiful in the Spring. Especially when I am in dire need of a haircut, 26 weeks huge-o, er, I mean, preggo and blowing my shnauze every 3.2 seconds.

Whew.

I hate it.

Sitting in Sunday School yesterday, I had an attack from Satan himself. An attack on my sinuses. I sneezed, I rubbed my eyes, I coughed, I wheezed, I blew my nose. It was a sight to behold. While sitting there trying to get as much as I could out of the lesson, I was frequently interrupted by Mr. Allergy. I tried my hardest to daintily wipe my nose and disguise my 113 mph manly sneezes, but let me tell you - it was a struggle.

Here are some tips for you, my fellow allergy-ridden friends, on How To Be A Lady During Allergy Season.

1. Carry the cute little pocket sized kleenex with a fun design on them, rather than a clunky box of tissue or heaven forbid, a roll of two-ply. I know the two-ply comes in much more handy, but seriously...lets have some tact.

2. When you feel a gargantuan sneeze approaching the insides of your nasal cavity, grab a tissue and hope for the best. Try to time the sneeze with an eruption of crowd laughter from a joke, or with the cough of your sick friend sitting next to you. I would recommend trying to stifle the enormity of the sneeze, but I'm pretty sure you want your brains to stay inside your head.

3. Say "excuse me" and "bless me" in between snorts and sniffles. Smile sweetly as you get sympathy looks from everyone you are disturbing.

4. Apply mascara and eyeliner liberally to the middle of your lash, but go easy on the ends. When your eyes start watering, the last thing you need is a fountain of black goo streaming down your face.

5. Always keep a hair band or clip with you. When you get to sneezing multiple times in a row and your body temperature shoots up to near death levels, you need to get that hair out of your face so you an breathe. Plus, you will look cute sporting a "springy" up-do.

6. Wear layers so that you can peel them off as needed.

7. Dab your nose gently as the Niagara Falls of Mucus pours freely from your nostrils. Anything besides a dab will make you give Rudolf a run for his money.

8. Try to avoid blowing your nose if at all possible. The stares and looks/sounds of disgust are probably aimed at you if you are blowing while everyone else is trying to pay attention. Let's face it, the sound of snot being forced from your head isn't exactly the most soothing of sounds.

9. Excuse yourself from the room if things are getting too out of hand and out of your control. Hold off for as long as possible, but try to not be a nuisance to those around you. If needed, find the nearest restroom and blow for all you're worth.

It is important to remain a lady in the most uncomfortable circumstances. If you abide by all of these tips, you should be good to go for your next public outbreak in allergy attacks.

But remember, when your Sunday School class is dismissed or your meeting is adjourned, feel free to jump in the car, shove two tissues up each nostril, rub those eyes until they're completely black with mascara, recline your seat and demand that your Husby take you home.

Then sleep. For hours and hours.

You should wake up refreshed and ready for your next task at hand.

27 comments:

  1. Good advice...spring kills my face, my allergies go crazy, and I'm allergic to fresh cut grass so when people start mowing its a wrap.

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  2. I feel for you! Especially when preggers!! Great job on keeping your composure and I'm sure others appreciated it as well!! ;-) Feel better soon!

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  3. I feel your pain... I love the spring & summer, but hate it at the same time as I spend most of the time feeling rough. No picnics for me :(

    Saskia x

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  4. Oh man, the fact that you can fall asleep and wake up refreshed at this point in your pregnancy makes me jealous!! I think I had sleeping issues starting at 20 weeks. Ugh.

    Nasonex saves my life. That's it. Our part of the country is AWFUL for allergies!! Hope you feel better today!

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  5. :) that was cute! thanks for sharing those great tips!

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  6. I remeber the days of being pregnant with allergies. I could only take certain allergy medications and the tickle in my throat would drive me crazy. You always crack me up!

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  7. my allergies are HORRIBLE this morning!!! thanks for the tips haha. hope you have a good monday!!! :)

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  8. HAHA! I'm all about the tissue up the nose. Luckily, my allergies have actually gotten better as I have aged.

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  9. Good to know--I think I'm going to have to start at the very top of the list and stop carrying around a roll of toilet paper with me as my tissues--I'm pretty sure that defies the spirit of the Ladylike Allergy Season...

    Blessings!

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  10. Your Sunday School experience sounds like my baby shower last spring. I was 8 and half months preggers, we were living in Hawaii and it was a particularly humid day. Everyone was throwing floral leis around my neck (as is custom) and I tried so hard to wear them with pride wanting to ignore the fact that as I tried to speak the mucous was coming up my throat. I finally apologized, ripped every single lei off of my neck and ran to the closest bathroom to wipe my eyes and blow the cr*$ out of my nose!

    Great tips! I was laughing so hard just picturing all of this!

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  11. Oh how I love your outlook on all things life! Reading this definitely brightened up my day. Feel better!

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  12. Ugh! I hate allergies! I never know when you stay home for the sake of ruining someone else's health, or when to just suck it up and deal at my desk. I don't want to be a pansy, but I also don't want to be disgusting in front of my entire office! Its a no-win if you ask me.

    ~ Katie
    www.marriageconfessions.wordpress.com

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  13. Ha, Whitney, you don't need to worry if it's the total opposite of what I wrote! I WANT to know how you feel! I had ideas when I was pregnant and while some of them changed when Caleb came along, a lot of them stayed the same, too. I'm always curious about what other moms think! Just because little Levi hasn't come out to meet us yet doesn't mean that you can't have opinions about how you want to raise him. I'm all ears!!

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  14. HATED the "Just wait" comments. Hated them. I understand your fears for sharing your plans. I've been proven wrong with some of my pre-baby parenting theories, but still. I always wanted to say, "I AM waiting, dang it!!" I found that my principles on parenting didn't change when Caleb was born, they just adapted to fit him. I don't do everything that I thought I would do, but the reasoning behind how I parent is still the same!! Just wait ... the "just wait" comments will soon be over. :)

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  15. LOL, Whitney Dawn! That is one informative post! Hope you feel better soon.

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  16. Hahah! I will remember these whenever my dreaded allergies hit!

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  17. Not sure how I travel over, but thanks to the wonderful world of BLog... I'm so glad I found you. I had to laugh out loud. I too made a list on my BLog today. Sometimes you've just got to laugh to be able to stand yourself.
    Blessing,
    Staci

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  18. Thank for Lord for Zyrtec or I would be the same way. But I guess when you are preggers you cannot take anything right?

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  19. This was so cute! To be honest, when I was pregnant and had horrible allergies when at my in law's house. I threw the lady like stuff out the window. I couldn't breath and not being able to breath AND a baby kicking my diaphragm made me less than lady like. I blew my nose until I couldn't blow anymore.. and then again 3 seconds later. Kudos to you for being able to act nicely in front of others!

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  20. 1) I think that post required a note of caution NOT to read while eating - mucus doesn't go well with lunch!
    2) I was gonna tell you that you seriously need to get on some meds if those are your symptoms but then I realized your preggo and they don't allow you to take anything except benadryl which can be difficult if you need to be awake for that thing called a job
    3) Thanks for the monday smiles/laughs!

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  21. You make me giggle! You can even make allergies funny!I hope you feel better!

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  22. This totally cracked me up! So true so true! All of it, haha! I am so sorry you have to deal with all of that, here's to hoping that you get to stop all that snottin' and uncomfortableness soon :)

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  23. Aww...I hope you're allowed to take some good meds for your allergies. I was told I could take the stuff in the blue box, Claritin, I think? It worked pretty good last year.

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  24. Ha ha! Good advise! I NEVER blow my nose in public--ga-ross!

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  25. I LOVE it! I am pregnant as well and I also have a head cold right now. You totally made me laugh!

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  26. I feel the same way you do...allergies really are awful. Speaking of nose stuff, I bought the neti pot and it works really well. Thanks for that info in a previous post. I have year round allergies and feel so badly for you and what you are going through...especially being pregnant. Feel better:)

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  27. Whitney Dawn, Puffs, now makes the easy to carry, packages of puffs. AND, they are normal size. I found them at Target!

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May the Lord bless you and keep you safe today! Thanks for the comment, friends! :)

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