Thursday, June 26, 2008

HOW TO BE A LADY IN THE WOODS



Husby is outdoorsy. Whitney is not. Throughout our marriage, I have tried very hard to do things outside with him, because it means a lot to him when I do. Plus, being confined to an office and a desk for 40 hours a week can make a girl long for the great outdoors like she never has before! We recently went on a cave hunt in a deep wooded area of our State. I perspired; I climbed; I embraced my inner tomboy. Oh wait, I have no inner tomboy. But I pretended… for my sweet husby.

Just like he pretends when I show him a new recipe or pair of shoes I'm excited about. Oh, or dishes.

Here are some of my fabulous tips on how to be a lady – even when you are on a hot and tiring expedition in the woods.

1.)Dress cute. Just because you are going to be sweaty and outside does not give you an excuse to let yourself go. Do your hair, your makeup, and wear some cute capris and baby tee. You will have a better time. I promise. Plus, what if you get lost and a search team has to find you and you appear on the local morning news or Good Morning America because of your fierce determination to stay alive? You will want to look nice, won’t you? Yes, yes, you will.

2.)Wear fingernail polish. Sure, your hands are bound to get dirty and grimy, but at least your fingernails will still look nice. Plus, if you get lost, you can peel it off bit by bit and drop it on the ground to mark your path.

3.)Wear sunscreen. Do not let the mean, harsh sun damage both your day and your skin while gallivanting in it. Find the shade when you can to avoid those future sun spots, wrinkles or ugly skin cancer! The only wrinkles you obtain on your hiking trip should be in your shirt. And try to avoid that, too, if at all possible.

4.)Let loose and have fun. Ladies have fun at all times. Surprise your man by showing off your muscles and climbing up a few trees. They will think it's cute, and you will get a great upper body workout in the mean time. Remember to climb with dainty, smooth moves, not overdoing it and looking like a daddy long legs.


(Here I am being goofy and impressing the ole husby. The two trees were bowed and crossing each other which made it easy to climb up!)

5.)Wear sunglasses. When your mascara starts to smudge and smear due to perspiration, a good pair of sunglasses will disguise your weary eyes. You will look nice and fresh even when absolutely miserable.

6.)Take breaks and drink water. To keep yourself from tiring out too soon, sit down when your heart starts to feel as if it is going to burst forth from your chest, and drink lots and lots of water. It will rehydrate you and make your skin glow.

7.)Don't wear high heels. This is one of the only places that I will recommend NOT to wear high heels. You are going to have to wear tennis shoes, so just suck it up and buy the cutest ones you can find. I saw some with gold sparkly swirls the other day. Get those.

8.)Don't forget your manners. Say please and thank you to your hiking companion and sit like a lady on your water breaks. Do not lose your temper - even when you are on the verge of death from falling off a cliff. Like me in this picture:


(Can you find me? I feel like 'Where's Waldo' in this picture!)

9.)Bring a hair tie. If your hair starts to dampen due to
perspiration, pull it back in a cute pony to avoid being a slick head. Slick heads are not lady-like, nor attractive by any stretch of the imagination.

10.)Smile. Even when you are in intense pain and your thighs feel like lemon lime jello – keep smiling. A smile makes any accident feel less painful. If you trip on a rock, smile. If you break a nail, smile. If you fall off a cliff, smile. If you find an escaped convict hiding in a cave, smile. And offer him a drink of your water. He probably needs it.

There you have it. Everything you need to know to remain a lady in the woods. I hope this encourages you to go outside with your husbands this summer!!

8 comments:

  1. That cracks me up! Next time give us a tip about peeing in the woods like a lady. Even though I grew up in the outdoors, I've never been able to pee in the woods without peeing on myself. It's my curse.

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  2. WELCOME to the SITSTAhood!! We're so glad you found us!

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  3. I'd go in shorts and a cut-off t-shirt with my hair already pulled back. Even when I dress up, I don't put on make-up. And I don't have any cute clothes. I suppose I just embrace the already known tom-boy althroughout me!

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  4. WOW. its like reading a story about myself. exactly.

    so thanks for the tips on proper lady wood etiquette :)

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  5. That was pretty funny! And yes, as Angie asked, how should you pee in the woods?...

    11. Bring tissue. It can be used to wipe the sweat from your brow or when you squat behind a tree while making your husband swear he will not peek, laugh...or take a picture.

    Toodles~

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  6. Doesn't a true lady "hold it"??? This post CRACKED me up! You have a great sense of humor and your mother raised you well!!!

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  7. This made me laugh out loud! I am enjoying all these old posts! You are a wonderful writer, Whitney. :)

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  8. This is my favorite blog of yours. A lady's hiking, canoeing, and camping outfits SHOULD be just as cute as her everyday wear.

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May the Lord bless you and keep you safe today! Thanks for the comment, friends! :)

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