Sometimes I catch myself staring at my babies with a heart that feels as if it could burst open at any moment. When I stop and really think about it, I can't believe they're ours. It's hard to explain, but I'm sure many moms feel this way. They are the most precious little miracles that God created through my husband and me ... is there any greater blessing? The other night I was laying next to Levi and the Lord laid so many things on my heart and moved me greatly concerning my role as their Mother.
God gave me these specific children for specific reasons. Darin and I were called, as their parents, to shape and mold them into who they are supposed to become in the Lord. It's amazing to me to think that these specific personalities and precious souls inherently possess traits that positively react with how Darin and I can nurture them. No other set of parents are right for them and no other set of children are right for us. We were all created for each other because God, the Giver of life, saw it fit. It is absolutely mind blowing!
These children are not only my gift and my joy, but more seriously, they are my greatest responsibility. Their upbringing determines their security in themselves - which should ultimately be a reflection of their security in Christ. Am I providing that? What I pour into them is what will flow out of them for the rest of their lives. I so desperately want my love for them to be a visual/earthly display of their Father's love and for them to never know a moment without it.
Knowing that these babies were given especially to us for specific reasons holds a lot of liability. Am I helping shape and guide them toward who Christ has called them to be? To the fullest potential? Am I seeking wisdom in HOW to disciple these children? Am I taking full advantage every day of being their Mommy? Am I aware of their individual needs so that I can properly tend to them?
Levi and Ezra.
These are the lives, the people that God has entrusted us with. I am praying for a heart that has no greater desire than to make Him known and to guide and urge them along - raising them to be wise, moral, righteous men of God.
I pray every day that God will give me insight into who exactly these babies are in their hearts, so that I can nurture and love them in their own specific way. I don't simply want to raise my boys; I want to KNOW them in the fullest capacity. Individually. Actively.
These children are ours. They are ours to delight in and to refine in. I have found no greater joy, nor deeper refinement than in motherhood. It is a roller coaster of great days and tough ones, smiles and tears, trust and worry, confidence and doubt ... all which lead me where I'm supposed to be - on my knees. Asking. Seeking. Praising.
I want at the end of my life to see the big picture and smile. To see why these precious little "puzzle pieces" were delicately and purposefully placed within my life portrait. To sit back and say THIS is why WE were given THESE amazing little people. And to see what I did to help mold them.
Did I purpose my life to show them Christ? Was I an example of grace? Was I a picture of a godly wife? A godly mother?
In my constant trying to teach these little boys, the Lord always uses them to teach me. Just as these souls are entrusted to us, my husband's and my soul are entrusted to them. It is the Lord through me reaching their souls, and the Lord through them reaching mine.
No glory to me. No praise to me. No honor to me.
It's all Him.
Every minute of every day.